My Writings. My Thoughts.

Horus Out and About

// April 12th, 2009 // No Comments » // Fluff

I decided to try my hand (feet really) at running again for the first time in 15 years.  I use to run all the time and after a back injury I decided to give it up, primarily because the stern doctor looked at me and told me flat out that my “running days are over.”  I ran cautiously and with small agreements, I’d run for 15 minutes and see how my back feels and I’ll force myself to stop if I feel any kind of back discomfort.  I have to make these kinds of arrangements or I just wont stop.

Anyway, I didn’t stop.  I only did about 2 miles in a time that would have gotten me kicked out of the army back in the day but still I finished.  Cardio wise it wasn’t much of a problem after a year and a half of cycling and I could have done more I think.  My biggest difficulty was in the new motion and legs.  Those weren’t a big problem either, hell I ran 2 miles the first time out in 15 years without much of a problem, still though it’s a different motion and I can tell it’ll take some getting use to.  Particularly difficult was holding my knees and midsection firm but not tense, something you can be a lot more lax about on a bike.

How does Horus come into this you might w0nder?  Well in a rather interesting way it turns out and one that only one or two of you will understand.

I ran from Medlock Park to Mason Mill Park and as I was hitting the turn around point in Mason Mill I start having that conversation with myself that I have pretty much anytime I push myself.   It’s that self questioning part that asks things like “Okay, so are we really doing this or are you just going to be a total waste of oxygen?” .

It’s an effective internal tactic for me because there is this really obstinate internal part of me that jumps out when I’m challenged, even by myself.  I gave myself the usual answer I give when I ask myself this question, “Go fuck yourself” and I keep running on.

10 seconds after I say this to myself and lean into the run to go on I see Horus, right on the ground in front of me, about 8 feet away.  I ran out and back around and snapped some pictures of him with my iPhone, he’s small but you can make him out.

Not really something I can explain here but I’ve mentioned the topic to a couple of you.  Neat stuff and I’ll end with just posting a couple of the pictures of him.  I couldn’t get that close when I came back in but you should be able to make him out on the ground and again on the light post where he flew up to as I tried to get closer.

Horus walking Horus Perched

Sign o’the times

// April 11th, 2009 // No Comments » // Fluff

While shopping at Publix I saw an elderly asian woman working as a cart collector.  I don’t know her or her story but the narrative that arose in my mind about it just depressed me.  Is this really where the country has ended up?  A woman, who by all rights shouldn’t be consigned to back breaking work, is forced to strongarm lines of shopping carts just to get by?

Though I’ve seen all kinds of people out there strugging, the image of this woman wrapping a bright read scarf around her and still remaining dignified while doing this work really bothered me.  It makes me happy I’ve always been a person who brings is cart back but for no real particular reason, if everyone did that this woman wouldn’t even have a job.

I can’t really figure out why this particular thing bothers me so much but it just does.  Gives me a case of the arghs.

You are what you think

// April 6th, 2009 // No Comments » // Fluff

The idea of how minds change has been in my thoughts quiet a bit lately and it’s become a reoccuring theme in many different areas of my life, as things tend to do.  I’ve mostly been contemplating how my thoughts have changed over the last 9 months, and how or if that’s changed my fundamental way of thinking.  Many of you know it’s been a year of pretty big changes for me and through it I have been incredibly mindful that how I came out of this was a great unknown, but still in my hands to shape somewhat.

The number of changes have been dramatic and largely unexpected.  I’m a much more positive person in general now than I was a year ago, I’m much more relaxed and anger has largely gone out of my life, at least compared to previously.    I’m still coming to terms with exactly what is contributing to all these changes, in small ways it’s a contious effort though. I meditate regularly, I have gotten good at turning my thoughts in a particular direction or another and I regularly stay away from particular sets that would give me a more brooding cast than in the past.

I don’t really want to do a retrospective on what’s causing the change as I want to take a moment to be a bit amazed at the very concept of a mind changing in the first place.  Biochemistry is a wonderful thing but there are times (like now) where it’s hard to sit there viewing the mind as a biochemical engine of thought and the implications of what it means that a bunch of chemicals could “decide” to change.   Think about that for a second, a system, even a dynamic one, is sitting there doing what it does and begins to change with a purpose.  If we saw this happen in a beaker we’d talk directly about it being a proof of God.  I’m not trying to use this as such because the system I’m trying to describe is a vast over-simplification.  Still though sit there for a moment and contemplate the reality of mind deciding to change itself.

I find the whole thing rather amazing at this moment and wish more people could realize just how plastic our minds can be.  How we can shape them more than we give ourselves credit for and that we’re not just trapped in there with ourselves, or perhaps that we are but that we can be better company than we realize.

Long-time, No Update

// January 26th, 2009 // No Comments » // Fluff

Wow it’s been a long time since I’ve updated here.  Primarily this is because I’ve been Twittering and Facebooking my little heart out.  A larger part though is work being so hectic and there being no relief in sight.

Anyway, randomly jumping in while I have the energy.

I’m sick.  Up late right now waiting for the latest dose of TheraFlu to kick in and not happy at all.  I HATE being sick (as if other people like it)  I’m usually pretty lucky in that I normally get ALMOST sick.  Not today and I feel like this so infrequently that it’s a jolt when I do.  It’s one of those “I forget what it’s like to be well” kind of sicks.  Blargh.

Having a hard time forming my brain around what else is going on for a proper update.  So very fragmented…

When did the idea of a ‘trim’ get lost in our culture?  I get the wierdest look when I got into a hair place and ask for one.  Just take what it looks like now and make it a tiny bit shorter with some layering, is that really so hard?  Apparently because I had a hair disaster this weekend on a scale that even I noticed.

Work is absolutly overwhelming at times but not usually in a bad way I guess.  I’m trying to take the Anarchy that reigns there and turn it into something resembling a system.  My  hope was to avoid a Despotism in the meantime but I don’t think that’s possible.  Not my very favorite thing every.  Still though there are some gems in the middle of it all so it’s not so-so bad.

Hanging out with a few frends and all that jazz at other times but nothing really monumental on the social front right now.  I’m taking my mother to see King Tut in Feb which we’re really looking forward to.  She took me when I was 8 in NYC and it was one of those monumental childhood moments that burn a memory into you.  Needless to say we’re excited to go again now.

Okay, getting sleepy enough to go back to bed.  Peace everyone.

New President, New Day

// January 20th, 2009 // Comments Off // Fluff

Watching the swearing in of Barak Obama live right now and overcome with a bit of emtion.

I can’t remember the last time my country stood up together, not out of fear or anger, but out of hope and joy.  I think this is in part what the excitement is about this president, that we no longer feel ruled by fear of what could happen but by the hope of what we might yet do.   By no means do I think Obama will fix all our problems, nor do I think any President could do easily.  I do feel a joy in hoping that we’ve slowed our downward spiral with hopes that we’ll see a light again someday at the end of all this.

Lets Get Physical

// January 12th, 2009 // No Comments » // Fluff

I had a comprehensive physical done on Friday after some much appreciated hen-pecking from my Doctor.  He’s really a fantastic guy and GREAT Doctor, one of those guys who is old enough to have given Moses his first physical but really sharp and great social skills.

Anyway, I really love when doctors seem to marvel a bit at my physical condition.  I’m not a thin person so I don’t really look like I exercise the amount that I do and at 42 the number of people who stay active is rather small so I guess they aren’t use to it.  The end result is everything is great so far.  In particular it was really cool to have my Doc hand me a copy of my EKG and tell me to put it in my glove compartment.  He told me this because my resting heart rate is so low that if I got into a car accident and was unconscious, not knowing somewhere in the mid 50s is my normal resting heart rate, they would immediately send me to the ICU because of it.

To say I’m happy about this is an understatement and all this before I’ve really begun to train for my next long distance ride.  Hopefully this points to the likelihood of this being a good year.

Overall I really feel great but my left leg is still a bit of a problem.  My left thigh gets tight and that causes some knee problems if I don’t massage it out and ice it down.  My left Achilles Tendon can get pretty sore from the scare tissue I got in last years crash and overdoing it.  Honestly though, that’s just age and you have to learn to play hurt sometimes.   It’s not really the physical conditioning but the recovery from injuries that sets this age bracket apart from my 20’s and 30’s.  Being in your 40’s isn’t really that much different if you keep in shape other than recovery and how fast things slide if you slack off.  This is why I think getting older just gets so much better if you keep on top of it if the equation is something like Physical -1, Mental/Emotional +10.

Anyway, I’m waiting on one last test result before my doc clears me for the next long-distance ride but I’m working up a training program right now and really looking forward to it.

New Riding List

// January 12th, 2009 // No Comments » // Fluff

My riding playlist for this week.  Can’t seem to shake ‘Click Click Boom’ which makes me wonder if I have a secret (even from myself) Fast and Furious fetish.  ‘Til I Collapse’ is still hanging in there but it’s new enough to my library to stick around.  The rest, what can I say, I always seem to come back to Beastie Boys and Cake sooner or later.

  • ‘Click Click Boom’ - Saliva
  • ”Till I Collapse’ - Eminem & Nate Dogg
  • ‘King of Rock’ - Run-DMC
  • ‘Tougher Than Leather’ - Run-DMC
  • ‘No Sleep Till Brooklyn’ - Beastie Boys
  • ‘She’s Crafty’ - Beastie Boys
  • ‘Girls’ - Beastie Boys
  • ‘Brass Monkey’ - Beastie Boys
  • ‘So What’cha Want’ - Beastie Boys
  • ‘Sure Shot’ - Beastie Boys
  • ‘Hey Ladies’ - Beastie Boys

What’s your workout playlist?

Mentors

// January 6th, 2009 // No Comments » // Fluff

I’ve lost two of my mentors in the last year and feeling it partciularly today.

Most rescently a guy I’ve worked with for maybe 8 years or so retired just a few weeks ago.   We didn’t always agree on everything but there was never a doubt that his thoughts on something should be taken seriously.  I’m happy for his retirement but it’s hard to look around and just feel like there’s nobody you can say “what are your thoughts on X”.  Meanwhile I’m trying to fill a bit of that role for others here now and I’m enjoying it to the extent that I do it but it’s a big blow not to have mine around and not to have any good alternatates in sight.

New Riding List

// January 3rd, 2009 // No Comments » // Fluff

Been awhile since I posted my biking music list, this is what I’m doing the Stone Mountain ride with today:

List 1

  • ‘All I Want Is You’ - Barry Louis Polisar
  • ‘Party Up (Up in Here)’ - DMX
  • ‘U-Mass’ - Pixies
  • ‘My Dick (Bonus Track)’ - Mickey Avalon
  • ‘Ooh Wee’ - Mark Ronson, Ghostface Killah, Nate Dogg, Trife & Saigon
  • ‘You Know What It Is’ - T.I. featuring Wyclef Jean
  • ‘Hero (feat. Keri Hilson)’ - Nas
  • ‘Stronger’ - Kanye West
  • ‘Wanna Know’ - Obie Trice
  • ‘Fight the Power’ - Public Enemy
  • ‘Lose Yourself’ - Eminem
  • ‘Blurry’ - Puddle of Mudd
  • ‘Jump Around’ - House Of Pain
  • ‘Boom’ - P.O.D.
  • ‘Click Click Boom’ - Saliva
  • ‘Name of the Game’ - The Crystal Method

List 2

  • ‘Curbside Prophet’ - Jason Mraz
  • ‘The Remedy (I Won’t Worry)’ - Jason Mraz
  • ‘Who Did You Think I Was’ - John Mayer Trio
  • ‘Let Him Fly’ - Patty Griffin
  • ‘Streetcorner Symphony’ - Rob Thomas
  • ‘Somewhere I Belong’ - Linkin Park
  • ‘Gravity’ - John Mayer Trio
  • ‘Home’ - Daughtry
  • ‘Dreaming With a Broken Heart’ - John Mayer
  • ‘Waiting On the World to Change’ - John Mayer

This should get me there and back without recycling.  We’ll see.

Resolved to Happiness

// December 31st, 2008 // No Comments » // Fluff

There is something very disturbing to me about the constant stream of New Years Resolutions people produce around now. I don’t do them myself and it smacks too much of self-loathing and negativity for my tastes. Rather than a list of a exciting and new things, resolutions lists tend to be a laundry list of how to fix what people see as wrong with them. Lose weight, find a boyfriend, play an instrument or whatever really have a subtext of ‘I’m too fat’, ‘I am lonely or unlovable’ or ‘I don’t do anything interesting’ in many cases.

The end of the year should be it’s climax, a reflection of the things that went well, not self flagellating affirmation that “next year I wont suck as much”.

Living life and growing should be a constant process, we shouldn’t need a new year to push us forward. I say this mindful of the fact that there are many people who are just stuck emotionally or mentally and have difficulty moving forward, we all have that to some degree but I know there are people who struggle with it more than others. For those people I hope peace and freedom for you above all other things, but even you I hope will take some time to reflect on whatever went well or gave you joy and what you look forward to giving you joy in the next year.

So instead of a list of resolutions, what I would love from anyone willing to share is what gave you joy in the last year and what you look forward to giving you joy in the new?

Be well all my friends, peace and love to all of you and here’s to a bright future.

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