There is something very disturbing to me about the constant stream of New Years Resolutions people produce around now. I don't do them myself and it smacks too much of self-loathing and negativity for my tastes. Rather than a list of a exciting and new things, resolutions lists tend to be a laundry list of how to fix what people see as wrong with them. Lose weight, find a boyfriend, play an instrument or whatever really have a subtext of 'I'm too fat', 'I am lonely or unlovable' or 'I don't do anything interesting' in many cases.

The end of the year should be it's climax, a reflection of the things that went well, not self flagellating affirmation that "next year I wont suck as much".

Living life and growing should be a constant process, we shouldn't need a new year to push us forward. I say this mindful of the fact that there are many people who are just stuck emotionally or mentally and have difficulty moving forward, we all have that to some degree but I know there are people who struggle with it more than others. For those people I hope peace and freedom for you above all other things, but even you I hope will take some time to reflect on whatever went well or gave you joy and what you look forward to giving you joy in the next year.

So instead of a list of resolutions, what I would love from anyone willing to share is what gave you joy in the last year and what you look forward to giving you joy in the new?

Be well all my friends, peace and love to all of you and here's to a bright future.

Originally published at Flagon ...

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Jotting down my plan for the Tour deCure or at least how I'm going to plan for it.

Last year was really fantastic by the 70 mile ride was really hard on my leg, or more accurately I fell 2 weeks before and slammed my knee into the pavement and wasn't ready. I was in the top 100 individual fund raisers btw, and want to thank everyone again (I was 88).

I want to ride again this year but am not sure if it's too much for my leg or what. Also the training time is going to be hard to fine but I can do it if I set my mind to it. It's also an important stepping stone if I want to do a Century ride in 09 too.

So the plan is to go to the physical I have scheduled in January and talk to my Doctor there about it, see about getting my leg examined since I still have a knot on the back of my tendon and see what they say. If they clear me I'll go for it and I have no reason to think they wont clear me so starting to get excited.

Originally published at Flagon With The Dragon.

'Toughest Sheriff' takes act to small screen - CNN.com
Reality television featuring law enforcement officers on the beat is nothing new. A show featuring a lawman who makes jailed inmates wear pink underwear and uses actors to trick suspects, however, is a new twist.

There's a special kind of evil in this that chills me. Maybe we should go back to stocks and throwing rotten food at people. Can any of you imagine getting a speeding ticket and being used for sport for peoples entertainment? Not sure why this bothers me so much but there's something here that is just creeping me out.

Originally published at Flagon With The Dragon.

Finished up 'Teachings on Love' and started 'Peace is Every Step' today by Thich Nhat Hahn.

In the forward the writer talks about (well known by now) studies that show putting on a smile creates a neural reaction similar to actual joy. This got me thinking about the occasional observation from people that I smile when talking about difficult or bad things. This isn't news of course, I've always known that I have a nervous laugh or smile in sometimes inappropriate situations and people missunderstanding it can cause odd perceptions. Reading this passage got me wondering if my body is doing it not to deflect attention to my emotions but as a compensation, a kind of natural anti-depressant.

I do have to wonder if my brain makes me smile to produce whatever joylike reaction it can to compensate for otherwise negative emotions. It's funny that TNH espouses this as good behavior since I've been doing it all along, though not being aware of it is probably not as productive as I'd like. I don't really have much to go into here other than just acknowledging it's happening and wondering if it's an uncontious coping tool my brain arrived at on it's own. Interesting when you can get a moment to look at yourself like a science experiment.

Originally published at Flagon With The Dragon.

Rides when I'm off work are the absolute best, I get to head out in some direction I haven't been before and sometimes discover something new. Today paid off big time in the discovery department as I stumbled across a waking/biking path under construction that will basically run right from my home to my job! Eventually the path is suppose to connect all the way to the Silver Comet Trail. Holy crap!

I also dropped of some videos and picked up a few things from the store on my ride out. I always feel like I'm cheating when I get to do errands AND exercise at the same time. Not exactly living on the edge granted but I consider any hobby that includes the real possibility of taking a car on with your body fairly exiting. That said everyone was very polite today, not rushed. Every day should be like this.

Linking some pictures of the path below.

Decatur/Emory Bike Path

Originally published at Flagon With The Dragon.

I'm currently reading through 'Teachings on Love' by Thich Nhat Hahn and taking notes as I go through it. I occasionally jot down stray thoughts and want to transfer some of those here as well.

This is after reading through a section on relationships.

We should move to a place where we do not "need" someone else in our lives. Need in this case being unhealthy attachment, wanting someone to fill a void in our lives or give us something instead of taking responsibility for our own lives and finding it in our selves. Not only can't we enjoy a good relationship as long as we're acting out of need but we can't really be good partners because most of our interactions are going to be understood through this need. Seeking refuge in the island of ourselves is the better source of our health and stability.

At the same time we should be mindful that removing the need of another person is only half the equation. We are happiest when in nourishing and loving relationships and removing the need does not replace the fulfillment of being in one. If we stop at simply removing the need and become too focused on being content within ourselves we run the risk of pushing our lives toward isolation. Going back to the original teachings on love the Sutra is to be "free of attachment and aversion, but not be indifferent". So removing the Need for other people isn't the same as removing the benefit we derive from healthy relationships. We should be aware that removing the Need is a path to deeper love and intimacy.

Forgetting this we run the risk of forgetting the joy of other people and becoming a dry field where love is difficult to ... (Read More)

Couldn't really pass up linking both these items having come out only a month apart. It continues to give me this deep laugh everytime I read scientific proof that my emotional/spiritual path is right.

Being mean bigger deal than being nice
CHICAGO, Dec. 23 (UPI) -- In everyday social exchanges, being mean to people has a lot more impact than being nice, University of Chicago researchers suggest.

Lead author Boaz Keysar said feeling slighted can have a bigger difference on how a person responds than being the recipient of perceived generosity -- even if the net value of the social transaction is the same.

And from a month ago..

Happiness is contagious: study
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Happiness is contagious, researchers reported on Thursday.

The same team that demonstrated obesity and smoking spread in networks has shown that the more happy people you know, the more likely you are yourself to be happy

"Negative reciprocity -- or taking -- escalates," Keysar said in a statement.

Speaks for itself, don't need to expound.

Originally published at Flagon With The Dragon.

I find myself a bit annoyed at Buddhist texts and thier approaches to removing attachments. I think this is an easily confused piece of information early on for many people. The most effective one I have found about it so far is in my current reading of 'Teachings on Love' by Thich Nhat Hahn. He simply related the sutra

"May I be free of attachments and aversions, and not be indifferent."

It's hard for me to say how that would appear to new eyes because I am where I am in my practice but mostly I have encountered something along the lines of "attachment bad, don't do that" and everyone I know who begins to read seems to have a problem with it. They need a better word than attachment though for the life of me I don't know what that would be in English. They of course mean unhealthy attachments but it's hard to explain, it would be better in the long run I think if they said something more obtuse and confusing like "I will not try to squeeze bile from an Orange."

I don't know how they could address that individual topic but I think the issue is trying to address that topic at that time to begin with. They try to remove attachment without talking about what should be there instead and I think that vacuum creates confusion. What the practice is about is experiencing true love and connection by removing our toxic and illusionary relationships with it. Maybe they'd be better off saying "toxic relationships" instead of attachment but even then without understanding why I think it creates a disconnect for the practitioner. Maybe it's just that people cannot appreciate the topic of love at that point and ... (Read More)

My thoughts are with my cousin Karen tonight who we think is passing. My thoughts are with her brother and sister who love her so much and I know will miss her. My thoughts are with my mother who has tried to be their mother since their mother died. My deep gratitude and thoughts are with my cousin's ex-husband who has been her best friend since they split and who has been caring for her all this time.

It's one of those situations where people are waiting and not knowing what to wish for. A quick end or for the fight to go on though it's hopeless. I don't know what to hope for except peace for everyone, my cousin most of all.

I'm sorry for all your pain and for not being a better cousin. My last memory of you is when you were still healthy and smiling. The last picture I have of you is from last month, not healthy but still smiling and happy in that moment at least. If we do go anywhere after the end comes I hope you take those happy moments with you, if not then I hope we keep those memories of you with us until it's our time too.

All my love to you Karen, good-bye.

Originally published at Flagon With The Dragon.

I've been interested in the movie The Wrestler since I first saw the trailer and will probably go see it this weekend if anyone is interested in going.

The metaphor of the down and out wrestler who is used up and has little in his life though got me thinking how particularly tragic the whole arch of life can be for victims of early abuse. Some people begin life in a place where people damage them regularly, they should have given then some thing or even took things away that caused them to suffer greatly. These people grow up and even if they don't become abusers themselves they still enter life with a great amount of suffering and not as able to create happiness in their life as others with a more stable past. So they often repeat the cycle of not getting into relationships that are nourishing, continuing not to grow or develop these skills. Later in life they enter into a place perhaps (like in the movie) where the deficit of that support is harshly felt and worse, if they have kids they can't be there for in the way they want they continue to get treated harshly by guilt and even the kids themselves.

I'm just feeling very sad for people in this position right now, for people suffering and unable to escape it at any point in their life because the direction keeps changing.

Linking the trailer for the movie below.

Originally published at Flagon With The Dragon.

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I ran across the definition of Parental Alienation today online and while the concept isn't new, having it layed out and defined like this might be.

This is one of the more tragic things I think we have going on in parenting today and one of the least talked about issues. It would be false to claim it as a male or female issue since the diversity of parenting today is probably higher than it's ever been in American history. Like any issue just being exposed we're really only at the stage of appreciating the tragedy of the whole thing and I can assure you there are families out there suffering more than they can ever express due to this. From the child's perspective I can't comment very much and even trying to really grasp what that issue must be like for them is rather overwhelming if you start to meditate on it, probably a topic beyond me (at least for meditation) at this point.

From the parents point of view how incredibly tragic. The normal relationship a parent has with a child is replaced with the emotions of the relationship between the two parents. For the alienated parent how terrible this is to watch a large part of your heart get killed off like this, and for those at a distance I think it can be even harder as you're even more powerless to do anything about it. For the parent pushing the alienation this is still so horribly tragic. Can you imagine the force of anger and hate it takes to conjure up that kind of behavior, that they live with it day in and day out is a large tragedy as well.

Like most tragedies there isn't just one victim ... (Read More)

I had a lot of thoughts after reading a passage by Thich Nhat Hahn this morning talking about the differences between relating a learned Dharma and relating knowledge attained through experience.

Particularly working in an academic environment it strikes me how ineffective it can be to simply recite back learned theory. How it seems like describing a cloud by someone who has never flown up to one, or the clouds behind that. How ethereal something like that can be compared to how compelling it can be to relate knowledge that has come through actual experience.

Describing something you've learned through experience is like talking about the leaver you've used to move something very heavy, the tools involved and it becomes very real to people. There's a weight that comes across when you begin to talk about the shape of your tools, the size of them or what it feels like to turn the screws. How very compelling and tangible it can be to relate something like that to another human being.

Alright, I didn't even really have time to post this but I wanted to get it typed out before I lost it.

Originally published at Flagon With The Dragon.

Who knew I'd reach the end of the Bush Presidency and end up saying something nice about him. Have you seen the video of that reporter throwing his shoes at Bush? The President really was very spry about dodging the shoes, I'm not being cheeky about that either. For an older man he's moving pretty good and he really stayed pretty calm through it. Good for him.

Originally published at Flagon With The Dragon.

Watch these in order, you wont be disappointed. It had me belly laughing last night.

Originally published at Flagon With The Dragon.

ZOMG!!! Legend of the Seeker is available for free on hulu.com, all 7 of the first episodes!

Head out right now and watch them all, it's the awesome and if you have any geek in you at all you will probably enjoy this show! Do it... then we can talk. :)

(I consider this a special service to Sailingwest, who can thank me later)

Originally published at Flagon With The Dragon.

My calm is a bit harder to maintain today and I'm struggling with feeling detached because of my level of personal reflection.

I was listening to Phillip Semore Hoffman on NPR last night speaking about extreme emotional difficulties for actors due to the deep introspection needed for characters. He talked more about how people don't do this unless they're in therapy and how people can't really be around that normally. This brought out feelings in me because I am an extremely introspective person and actively follow a practice of Mindfulness and Deep Looking. I'm having moments of great sadness today because I feel like these things that are very important to me are destine to keep me seperate from people. It's bringing out fears of being unlovable, at least in the longer term because people will never want to look deeply at things in their life and being around me will just be too exhausting.

I'm also feeling some frustration because I get occasional compliments on various things in my life but I feel much of this is due to this deep introspection. It feels frustrating because I feel slapped in the face for my methods but praised for the results and I'm struggling very hard with that today.

The struggle is because this is an illusion, people are very kind to me and I get frustrated because absolutely nothing has changed between yesterday and today except my perception and it's causing this reaction inside of me. This uncovers yet another series of challenges for me which is a need to move away from being self critical to being self loving.

I want to become better at understanding the line between Deep Looking and being self-critical and I suppose that is ... (Read More)

I want to begin blogging more again about what's going on inside of me. I've been somewhat paralized because I don't want what I say to be percieved by the people involved in any way that might perturb them but it's gotten to the point where I either have to stop blogging or stop pretending my life doesn't exist. I'm going to go with the latter but try to concentrate on what is going on inside of me instead of what is going on outside of me. I think this is a good compromise because it's not about things or other people it's about me.

It is also an important step for me because it's been identified that I have to overcome feelings that I don't have a right to speak up or have an identity. I also have to overcome issues with feeling like people have no interest in hearing about me as well and this can cause me to go between extremes of closing off or being expulsive.

Originally published at Flagon With The Dragon.

I think it might be useful for me to look at things that happen and use the post event hindsight to relive what I should have done or said. This is the first of that in a small way. I also need to develop an internal voice that is more honest and accepting of myself than critical and demanding more.

I had a moment today where frustration boiled up in me and while I don't think I acted poorly, I didn't reach out in a loving or mentoring way like I wish I had. In retrospect I wish I had taken in a breath and instead replied...

"I can see you have some doubts and concerns about this. Understand that it's just a place to begin and as we move forward we'll try to assess how we're doing and how well it's working for us. We'll change what external things we can and modify what we're doing in times we can't. Lets try it and see where we are in a few weeks."

Anyway, you can't actually get do-overs but as a lesson to myself I want to write out what I wish I'd done in hopes I might do that in the future.

Originally published at Flagon With The Dragon.

I was out trying to clear this sick feeling by getting out for a walk and practicing some mindfulness. Noticing my surroundings more I look at a cable attached to a telephone pole and see ...

From Just Life

.. rusy old handcuffs still attached there. If there was ever a "What is the story behind that?!?!" moment, this was it.

Originally published at Flagon With The Dragon.

I find adding these quotations together to be very powerful.

"Every morning, when we wake up, we have twenty-four brand-new hours to live. What a precious gift! We have the capacity to live in a way that these twenty-four hours will bring peace, joy, and happiness to ourselves and others." - Thich Nhat Hahn

If you love life, dont waste time, for time is what life is made up of. - Bruce Lee

We have more possibilities available in each moment than we realize. - Thich Nhat Hahn

In particular I think of how time for us is never a single thing but an overlay of many thing, or at least a single thing brought to life through many things. We don't have to drop out of life to practice love and peace, we simply have to practice it through everything we do. We can talk about the most mundane thing imaginable and still be bringing peace with a smile or being attentive to the true needs of the situation.

I heard a doctor once describe being a healer as someone who people feel better after interacting with them than they did before. What an amazing thing, what an amazing goal. I wonder though how would you know? How are you mindful of the peace that you're bringing without entering into delusion or pride? Isn't most peace beyond our telling, a thing that happens in places we usually can't see in others? Still we can tell right?

In that place inside of me that knows but isn't sure, I think I can tell.

Originally published at Flagon With The Dragon.

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